Sleepover!

Our first time to have Riley spend the night didn't go well.  I slept through the crying but Ken ended up calling Teresa who came to get Riley.  Ken either called me or IM'd me to let me know that she wasn't there the next morning.  Talk about feel bad!  This time went better.  All the girls had their toes/fingernails painted.  Lincoln wasn't so thrilled with being excluded.  Ken took him outside to work on the car which seemed to help some.  Poor middle child doesn't like to be left out of anything!

Day after Christmas - dressed up for church

The kids wore their outfits from Aunt C's wedding for Christmas.  Everyone thought they were adorable..... especially Lincoln. I'm a sucker for a man in a suit. 

Chrismas Dinner

We have no definite traditional Christmas dinner.... maybe I'll eventually figure something out.  Since I cook Thanksgiving dinner, I don't feel the need to make a turkey or ham and all the sides.  It's just too much for 2 adults and 3 kiddos who you can never tell what or how much they'll eat.  This year's recipe to try was Beef Wellington.  It was good but I don't know if I'll ever make it again.  For dessert we had Sheet cake with peppermint ice cream.  Needless to say the kids really enjoyed it.  You can see the smiles on their faces!

Playing with Christmas presents

I don't know that Santa did all that well with Lincoln's gift this year.  Poor Lightning McQueen hasn't been ridden all that much.  I figured that he'd be all over the place riding with big sister but he'd rather stick with his little trike.  Regardless, he looks too cute in his little helmet and eventually he will be more into his bike.  After all, sister is.  

No time like the presents....

We had a really nice & quiet Christmas morning.  Our kids haven't gotten to the point of waking up super early on Christmas morning yet.  I'm sure that day will come.  Well, it probably doesn't help that they're usually exhausted from all the Christmas Eve fun.  They have become more efficient in opening presents so it didn't take nearly as long.  Breakfast was cinnamon rolls (which Coralee didn't like because they tasted like pecans).  They all enjoyed our traditional Orange Jubilee (OJ, milk, powdered sugar, vanilla & ice) and it got spilled on the tablecloth.... yet another tradition. 

IKEA

Lincoln had his MRI yesterday.  I have to say him coming out of sedation was worse than the seizures.  He just didn't understand that he wasn't able to run around like he's used to doing.  I was completely unprepared for all of that!  I had to giggle when we walked into ARA and there in the corner was a table & toys from IKEA.  It seems to be a recurring theme.  Granted, IKEA kids stuff is cute and cheap.  You can't beat cute & cheap.  But, it still reminded me of where this little storm started.  As I thought about it, these verses came to my mind.......


So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”   Joshua 4:4-7

There are places that are reminders from infertility..... 38th & Lamar area.  Dr. Seeker's office, Dr. Vaughn's office & Seton are all there.  Infertility treatments and eventually the births of 2 of our children.  Even Seton reminds me of my Daddy's first heart attack and visiting him & Mom on the weekends while he was there.  My two oldest being born there redeemed the location and replaced the sad memories with happy ones.  Central Market brings back memories of waiting for IUIs, OB appointments and bringing the kids there for Biscuit Brothers concerts.  And now we have IKEA and all it's fun stuff.... another reminder of God's goodness & faithfulness.  Without fear, we will go there again.  We will eat when kids eat free and we will sit at the same table where all this began.

Christmas Morning

The big reveal.....

Oh Christmas Tree

Last year I bought wrapping paper from Hobby Lobby.  I have always been a snob about having Hallmark paper.  I love the weight of the paper and the cutting lines on the back.  I don't even remember why I decided to buy paper at Hobby Lobby but I'm so glad I did.  It has the same weight & cutting lines but it's cheaper and they have a much bigger selection.  Last year I also bought Toy Story paper for Lincoln & princesses for the girls.  Is it bad that I hid those behind the piano since they didn't match my red, black & white theme?  Can't wait to wrap presents next year and add a lime green to the mix.  I bought more after Christmas so we'll be having the same theme for several years.  Oh, and the added benefit of all of the paper I bought is that I can use it during the year.

Back to the fun stuff

I LOVE Pioneer Woman's Blog.  When she did a cookie decorating weekend at her ranch and posted the pictures & recipes, I decided we had to try cookies with royal icing.  My icing skills aren't what I'd like them to be and ziploc bags just aren't that efficient in comparison to pastry bags & tips.  Oh yeah, and royal icing isn't that yummy.  Next year, we'll stick to regular sugar cookies, buttercream icing & sprinkles.

A little bit more about this week....

In talking to a nurse friend last night, I think I may have solidified why we're not worried. From a spiritual perspective, it's because God gives peace. Some of my favorite verses, especially when I'm in the middle of a freak out are 2 Timothy 1:7 & Philippians 4:6-8. God has given us a sound mind, not one of fear. He has guarded our hearts and we try hard to guard our thoughts and focus on what is good. Here's the good.... while we don't know exactly why he had the seizures we can check off many scary things that didn't cause them. As my friend pointed out to me, seizures can be a way that tumors present themselves. There has never been a reason for our minds to go there and worry about all the "what ifs" that would go along with a tumor. There are no underlying reasons why and that is wonderful. In those first moments of the first seizure, the thing that scared me and worried me the most was "what if he stays this way?"..... unresponsive and not my crazy, wild little boy. Terrifying! So, while the seizures are scary, the fact that he is his normal crazy self and there are medications that can prevent the seizures is huge in comparison to what could have been. "Unexplained" also doesn't scare me as much because I've seen God blow that out of the water. You can't do every infertility treatment in the book and have all of them fail, get pregnant with no doctors present and go on to have two kiddos in less than 2 years and be afraid of unexplained.

Storms of Life

As I reflect on the last couple of weeks, I've been thinking of how this experience compared with other things that have happened in our lives. My Dad passed away when I was 16. That was a destructive hurricane. It changed so much about our every day lives. God was faithful then although I was angry that He took my Dad. It made my college years less than I wish they would have been. I didn't drink or party but it wasn't a time of growth. After we had been married a few years, we decided to try to have a baby. Should be easy, right? They made birth control pills to keep that from happening. That's easy, surely getting pregnant would be too. Nope, another destructive hurricane. I had three goals in life coming out of high school/college.... 1) Get married 2) Teach school and 3) be a stay at home Mom. It seemed like the first two were relatively easy but that 3rd one taught me that I didn't have control. I couldn't make it happen any quicker with anything I did. I had to trust that God's plan was ultimately for my good even though it absolutely broke my heart for Him to withhold that for 4 years. I made a choice, though, to go to Him with my emotions and frustrations instead of running away like I did after my Daddy died. I wouldn't trade those 4 years for anything.

I've heard many times that if you aren't in the middle of a trial that one is coming. We have been in a period of blessing, answered prayers & joy. Just the normal day to day stresses of being a family of 5. I'd say that this recent "storm" is kind of like a summer thunderstorm. It came on suddenly, there were tornado warnings but no watches; it was scary in the moment but the outlook is a sunny afternoon. Now, Ken doesn't like saying that rain is a bad thing (thinking in particular about the song "Jesus, Bring the Rain"). In a more agrarian culture, rain is a good and necessary thing. Crops don't grow without it. It's been my experience that spiritual growth tends to be the most vibrant when we're in the midst of a storm.

When I hear someone else say that they have peace during a storm, sometimes I think that means that they don't struggle with any fear. I don't think that's the case. Just read Psalms... in one half of the chapter David is crying out to God about his enemies and at the end he praises God for keeping him safe. Since we have been the ones with Lincoln during and after these seizures, we've seen how he bounces back. We've talked to the doctors and heard the good news directly from them. In general, I'm not really worried but I am a little on edge. I'm still a little antsy if Lincoln does weird things or makes weird noises. I had a hard time falling asleep on Tuesday night because I was afraid he'd have another seizure. Little noises that wouldn't usually startle me at night wake me up for good. I am confident that will get better as time passes and we get back to "normal".

Lincoln's Neurologist Appointment

I'm really happy with the neurologist and her office. Everyone was incredibly nice. First we had the EEG. I wasn't sure he was going to cooperate. He was a little agitated until Ken got him to talk about the horses in our front yard. He perked up and did everything he was asked to do. The funniest thing was the point where he was supposed to go to sleep. He bounced around like crazy for a good while and then flopped onto his belly and fell asleep. We went out into the waiting room and had almost an hour to wait for the doctor. It wasn't that she was late but that there was an hour between the two appointments. At one point in time, Ken took him outside because he was walking around on the chairs in the waiting room. Again, such a tired little boy! Ken had him run in the hallway outside the office for a little bit. Boys!!! Ironically the exam room was filled with things from IKEA. There were tables & chairs, toys & coloring books. He was pretty good but by this time he truly was exhausted. I really liked the doctor. She gave us lots of information and was really reassuring. His EEG came back normal except for one part of the brain working a little slowly. She thought that was a result of the two seizures being so recent. We're supposed to bring him in for an MRI soon just to make sure there aren't any problems that weren't seen with the CT scan. So, all in all, she said that she isn't seeing any reason that he is having these seizures. This is the best case scenario and hopefully the MRI won't show anything. She recommended medication (Keppra) to control the seizures. He'll take it for the next 2 years. The studies show that taking it less than 2 years makes it more likely that they'll have another seizure. Anything more than 2 years doesn't have any benefits. We also have Diastat to give him if he has a seizure longer than 5 minutes or he has more than 2 seizures in 3 hours. Technically, he has been diagnosed with epilepsy because he has had several seizures but it's highly likely that he won't continue to have them. There's a chance that his meds may need to be adjusted but there's a wide range in the safe doseage. If he does have another seizure, we'll just need to call the neurologist's office to talk about changine the doseage. The seizures are likely something he'll grow out of which is a big relief. I'm about delirious but wanted to get this typed up tonight. We have been so blessed to have so many friends praying for us and Lincoln. I try hard not to be a worrier. Infertility busted up any thought that I have control over anything. In so many ways, our children were placed into God's hands before they were even conceived. We trust that God's plans are good and that Lincoln is fearfully & wonderfully made. We have felt His peace through this entire process. I know that prayer made a huge difference. We can't even begin to say thank you enough!

The craziest 24 hours in my life!

Yesterday afternoon Lincoln had his second seizure. It was almost identical to his seizure a week and a half ago. It wasn't as terrifying but it was still stressful. He had been playing in his room after waking up from nap and all of a sudden I heard the scream. I knew immediately it was a seizure and ran to his room. He had slumped over onto his train table and I put him on his side in his bed. As the seizure finished, I had Coralee get the phone so I could call Ken. He headed home immediately and called the Blackwoods. I was trying to call Shannon at the same time she was calling me. They headed over to take care of the girls. I was rushing around checking on Lincoln (poor little boy in the postictal stage was tired and resting in bed) and trying to pack a bag for the hospital. When we were discharged from the ER, the nurse had said to come back if he had another seizure and plan on staying the night if he did. After Ken got home, we got Lincoln into the car and headed to the ER. We are blessed with such wonderful friends; what a relief to know the girls would be taken care of so well! Last time, we arrived at the ER in style. There was no waiting with the general public. Last night was a totally different experience. It didn't take long to see the "Quick Look" nurse who took his vitals and wrote down what had happened. After that we went to another less crowded waiting room. As time went on, more and more people came in. It was nuts! I'm spoiled by the well/sick rooms at the pediatricians' office and the fact that usually we're the only ones in the waiting room and we don't even stay there long. There were kids with face masks because they were coughing. One little baby puked what seemed like her entire bottle. I Lysoled my coat & Lincoln's just because we were in that room. I've never seen so many sick kids. After 3 hours we finally got to go back to a room. More waiting for the nurse to get vitals again and then the ER doctor came into the room. In between, Lincoln was literally bouncing off the walls. I think he was exhausted and trying to stay awake. The doctor said that was good that we were seeing the neurologist the next day and he talked to the neurologist on call about what to do next. They said that as long as his seizures weren't longer than 5 minutes that it was fine for us to just go to the appointment. Kind of felt like a waste of 5 hours of my life but the ER doctor and the neurologist both agreed it was worthy of the trip. We stopped by Whataburger for dinner and then headed home around 10:30. It was probably midnight by the time I got to sleep which was the second night in a row where I was up that late. My plan had been to sleep in as long as possible and hopefully get a little school work done with Coralee before we left for his appointment. Instead, I woke up to Lincoln doing the scream at 6 AM. I had been sleeping on the couch because I had a hard time getting to sleep between the stress and Ken's sweet sleeping noises. I'm a little jealous that he can just turn things off and go to sleep. I just can't. So, I went running into his room (Ken was taking his shower). Everything was the same. We had been given the nurse line number for the ER for just in case he had another seizure that night. I stayed in Lincoln's room while Ken made the call. Since I was the one who saw the seizure I talked to the nurse. She had me try to get him to wake up and respond to me. She had me call the neurologist's office to talk to the doctor on call. We don't believe in coincidence or luck; God is sovereign and in control. The doctor on call was Dr. Elton, who we were seeing in the afternoon. She said there wasn't anything she could do since he wasn't on any medication that could be adjusted and to wait for the appointment. Things felt like they were on fast forward from that moment on. Ken stayed home until I got my shower and I had him call my Mom to let her know he had another seizure. I talked to her for a while and then my sister. The house was a mess when we left Monday evening. We try to pick up every night but we're lax on the weekends and CC started back on Monday so I spent a lot of my time getting things ready for class. When I got home, I just left things where they landed. Shannon's a good enough friend that I wasn't embarrassed entirely by the clutter but it still bugged me. Plus, while I couldn't control Lincoln's seizures, I could control the house. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth when I told Lincoln he had to take a bath before the EEG. Lauramae smashed her pinky in the dresser in our room and was crying like her finger had been ripped off. I lost it a little and IM'd Ken to come home. We got beds made....because we do that EVERY day ;-) and laundry started before we left. We dropped the girls off with Teresa and headed to the doctor with a quick trip to Quiznos for lunch. Mmmm, Sammies. This is getting long so I'll put the diagnosis stuff in another post.

Lincoln's Big Adventure

Wednesday we had Riley spend the night. Everything went well. Coralee loved playing with Riley for an extended play date and the other kids had fun playing with her, too. Thursday morning they all played in Lauramae's room with the kitchen. I barely saw them all morning. Teresa came to get Riley around 10 and we talked about going to IKEA. Got everyone dressed and loaded up to go. Lincoln pitched a royal fit because he didn't get to ride with Teresa but eventually he decided to get in the van and get buckled. Then I realized I needed to get gas.

Eventually we made it to IKEA, wound through the store and got to the cafe. Woohoo for kids eat free. We payed $6 for all 4 of us to eat. Everything was going well then Lincoln had a seizure. His eyes got big, he screamed a muffled scream and started twitching. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen. All that lasted maybe 30 seconds - a minute but he wouldn't make eye contact with me and his eyes were rolling back in his head. Teresa asked me if she should call 911. I kept looking at him trying to see if he'd snap out of it but he didn't. She called and I kept trying to keep him awake. I'd never seen anything like that before and it completely freaked me out that he wouldn't look at me. One lady stopped and helped me try to keep him awake. Eventually the 911 operator said that as long as he was breathing fine, it was okay for him to go to sleep. Then the same lady helped corral Lauramae who somehow ended up walking around instead of sitting in her seat. I don't remember much about Coralee but I do remember telling her brother would be okay. She told me later that she was worried about her brother and her tummy hurt. She also prayed that wouldn't happen to her or Lauramae. The firefighters arrived very quickly.... it didn't even seem like a long time to me in the moment. They asked me about what happened & checked his vitals. By the time they did all of that, the ambulance was there. They got him wheeled out to the ambulance and tried to get him hooked up to more stuff. He was pretty difficult. He spent the majority of the ride drifting in and out of sleep. The EMS guy said that he'd feel like he'd run an marathon after the seizure. I felt like I got more information from him than everyone at the hospital put together. In the mean time, Teresa had called Ken. Well, she called David who called Ken. We couldn't get that information in the craziness. Reminds me I need to teach Coralee our contact numbers ASAP. I also left my phone at home to add to the craziness. Ken beat us to the hospital and was waiting in the room. Again, they tried to hook Lincoln up to everything and he was uncooperative. That earned him getting his temperature taken rectally. As he said, he didn't like them "digging in his body". He really hated the oxygen sensor they had on his big toe. Pretty much as long as the nurses were out of the room, he was fine. Ken sat in the bed with him and we watched really bad cartoons on TV. The doctor came in and basically said "sometimes this happens". He didn't have a fever so it didn't look like a febrile seizure. She ordered a CAT scan for him and we spent more time waiting (the whole ordeal was 3-4 hours so not bad for the ER). It was funny, as soon as the lady came to do the CAT scan, he perked up. She was a pretty, tall blond and I wonder if that had anything to do with his sudden cooperation. He happily rode in the wheel chair and did everything he was asked to do. They had a projector that put tiny stars all over the ceiling and then he had another one sitting on his chest while they did the scan to keep him still & looking at the stars in the donut. We got back to our room and waited to hear from the doctor. Within a short period of time, the nurse came back in (suddenly Lincoln liked her better, too), gave us our discharge instructions, a popsicle for Lincoln & we were on our way. I couldn't make appointments with the pediatrician or the neurologist because their offices were closed for New Years. We went to get the girls from Teresa's and then back to IKEA to get the van. In the mean time, Ken had talked to a friend from our Sunday School class to let him know everything was fine. They were meeting his wife at Mighty Fine for dinner so we joined them. Lincoln ran around on the playground like nothing had every happened (wires attached because he refused to let the nurse or us take them off). He was a little less difficult at bed time than usual. So far he's seemed perfectly okay. I'm a little less freaked out about the potential of it happening again because I know what to expect now. Still, I'm looking forward to seeing the neurologist even if they just say, "sometimes this happens". All this being said, it is amazing how God orchestrated all the details. First of all, I wasn't by myself. We go and do things all the time just the 4 of us. I said something about that to Ken and he said, "you would have been the chase vehicle behind the ambulance". I'm truly thankful that I got to take that ride with my boy. I'm thankful for Teresa being there. She has to be one of the most calm people I know and that definitely helped. Knowing the girls were taken care of was a big relief to me. Secondly, we weren't at home. I can't remember how far away the nearest fire station is to us but it isn't close. I think we were in the ambulance within 5-10 minutes of him having the seizure. My timing might be messed up but it was very quick. The other thing was we're usually back home this time of year. We spent the week before Christmas with family instead. The closest children's hospital is in Houston. I don't know what they would have done with/for us there in Beaumont or Lake Charles. For that third reason, we decided to stay home instead of making the marathon drive to Lake Charles today for my family's Christmas get together. I'm bummed to miss it but I didn't want the extra stress of a lack of sleep on my sweet boy.