Coralee was a teeny tiny little thing as most of you will remember. When I found out I was pregnant last year, my biggest fear was the baby not getting enough to eat while breastfeeding. It was the one big thing I prayed about - not that he'd be healthy but that I'd have enough milk. I'll still never forget the nurse (who was the same one we had with Coralee) coming in my hospital room and saying he needed to have some formula. It was late, I was tired and Ken wasn't there because he had taken Coralee to a birthday party. I tried SO hard to hold it together and not cry in front of her but I could barely keep it together. I felt like God had said, "No" to my simple request. The next day the pediatrician came in and said we could stop the supplementing and it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
I'm still not thoroughly convinced Coralee was starving to death when she had her issues. I can't help but wonder if the thyroid issues I had post partum (that are happening again this time) had something to do with it. I was a little more proactive as far as pumping and taking herbs between Link's 4 and 6 month appointment. I've fed him avocado so he could get the exra fat - not sure that's any cheaper than store bought baby food but it is definitely good stuff. We have Ken's baby scale which has made me crazier than I care to share. The final straw for that thing was when we got home from Easter on Monday and I put him on it and he had lost weight since his 4 month appointment. I might not be sure about him gaining as much as he should to stay on the % line but I'm sure he's gained. You get a different amount every time you put him on it. I've tried the bathroom scale with my weight and his and figuring the difference and according to that I think we're okay or at least close to okay.
Here's where the craziness comes in... because of her issues, I just assume that he's going to have the same. I had a really hard time calling to make the appointment for his well check (which will be on Friday morning) and cried and cried (and obsessively weighed him). I like to think of myself as at least fairly logical and reasonable but this weight stuff makes me crazy. Here's the cold hard facts. In the pictures of Coralee, she's wearing a 3-6 month outfit in both pictures. One ran really tiny but you can see how little she was in that one. The other one was really big on her. She didn't really start wearing 6-9 month clothes until she was at least 9 months old and she was still wearing 3-6 month stuff then, too. As for Lincoln, he's firmly in his 3-6 month stuff. Some things are a little on the big side (particularly the waist band on some pants) but they seem to fit similarly to the 6-9 or 6-12 month stuff. Today I put him in a 6-9 month sleeper just to see how it would fit and while it was big, it wasn't huge. It was just clear that he was at the beginning of a size. That made me feel a lot better. Oh, and he's wearing an outfit from Gymboree today that's 6-12 months. The onesie is almost perfect although the overalls are definitely big and long. I have to remind myself that there is no way Coralee could have fit in any of that as well as he did. So, I'm trying to tell myself to breathe.
I try really hard not to be a big worrier especially about my kids. I want to say that I wholeheartedly trust whatever God has in store for them. I know my worrying now won't change what that scale says on Friday. I know I don't have control over this but I sure wish I did. So, until Friday morning, I'll be repeating this to myself over and over and over again.... "
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:14-16 Funny that I used to think about that a lot in regards to our infertility. Even in my imperfection, God was bringing good out of it. This seems so trivial in comparison to that trial but it's the big deal at the moment. God is faithful and He has control over my little guy's (and little girl's) well being.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:14-16 Funny that I used to think about that a lot in regards to our infertility. Even in my imperfection, God was bringing good out of it. This seems so trivial in comparison to that trial but it's the big deal at the moment. God is faithful and He has control over my little guy's (and little girl's) well being.
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